I don't know how I couldn't see it before
by feathered moon wings
Summary: Castiel had always itched away from Sam's darkness. It hurt his skin and burned his grace. But he didn't mean to flinch away, that was not a thing friends did, and he was his friend. But it had always been there... just beneth th darkness. Not slash, just nice friendship, but you could flavor it in your mind :)


I remember the first time I came close to Sam Winchester, or as I would have called him back then, 'The boy with the demon blood' the abomination. The feeling of a dark aura surrounded every inch of his persona like a cloak and I remember clearly… how badly did Jimmy's body wanted to flinch, to be far away of that monstrosity; but as an angel it was quite easy to mask any movements my vessel desired to make. And he stretched his hand, eager to touch, and I hesitated a long time looking at him, waiting for his resignation; but the boy was persistent so I obliged. The darkness that covered his skin spread to my wings like weed but I did not back down.

And that was how it was for a long time, keeping myself apart from him at every opportunity so I wouldn't have to feel that itching taint scratching at my grace. And I saw his warm smile but my heart could not comprehend how such thing could belong to the boy-king, at the time my thoughts where he had provably stolen it from someone.

But time went by and I learned, I learned a little about everything but that was enough for me to understand a lot of many things. Sam could have never stolen that smile, for as Dean put it, he was born with a kind soul. And it bothered me the fact that my grace and body itched away from him like a disease, he was my friend and I love him so. I had learned friends weren't supposed to feel that way… they where suppose to _want_ to be close to the other. It bothered me a lot.

I resigned myself into the feeling, there was nothing I'd be able to ever do, I could only mask the flinches and pretend his touch didn't bother, that his touch didn't _burn_.

It happened many years later, when Death brought him back from eternal perdition and damnation. And as I introduced my hand into his chest to check everything was in order, I felt it. He's soul was not like Dean's, not at all. While Dean's was warm and strong and powerful; Sam's was unbelievably bright, it shone almost like the grace of an angel and I had found myself at the moment wondering again… how could such a tainted thing be so pure and gentile. And I realized it was not been just an expression when Dean said his brother had been born with a gentle soul, it was indeed like none other I'd ever touch or seen.

Within time I had found myself attracted to his light, my grace reaching out to it, I'd found out it didn't burn any more, it didn't _hurt._ Despite all those years trapped in the cage, tortured and torn and beaten up, it was still kind and gentile like an unknowing animal.

It had always been that I had seen what I had expected to see, felt only what I wanted. And the darkness turned out was just a protecting cover for his soul, for it too good and it could be easily penetrated if you knew the right way to do it. But no, it was no torture that could break his soul but love, nothing but love; tuff, tender love from his brother; sweet, warm and sometimes motherly love from his blond lover. That was how it could break, and it had been broken so many times in the past…

His darkness protected him from loving others too much, from caring to much it would hurt to live. But when I finally reached out to it, reached to his soul, I expected to be greeted with friendship like a warm hug to my grace with his soul… But… it was nothing like that. When I finally reached out his light squeezed mine like an old friend, my eyes widening in surprise; he had been reaching out to me since the moment we had meet, had always circled my persona with his bright soul since the _first time_. I had never been able to see pas the darkness, but it just took the right angle, the light was right beneath the surface like the skin of an apple. And his touch had only burned because I refused to see the light, because I c_ouldn't._

"Something wrong Cass?" He asked with big eyes, full of worry. I breathed in and let a drowning sigh out.

"No Sam… everything is just fine… Very fine actually." I said with a smile.

"All right then." He gave back a little, warm smile. "If you say so…"

Many years later I find myself still reaching out to his soul and smiling lightly at the squeezing sensation it gives me. It's pure love and I don't know how I couldn't see it before…

**Abril: Second story of Supernatural, yay! Okay, once again, sorry if you find any grammar or spelling mistakes, mi mother language is **_**not **_**English. I hope you liked it and if you did tell me so :) Bye, bye, sukers! **


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